You want me to eat what?!?

Another glorious night at the ballpark in did I mention, 106 degree weather! I knew this time we had to tackle to "Boomstick".... 2 feet of glorious hot dog smothered in, onions, chili, cheese and jalapeños. None the less I knew we had to eat one. Well we did. and it was great. I honestly wasn't super full when we were done but the meal itself was tasty! On the other hand I think we are bad luck. Second game we have been to and our Rangers got slaughtered.

We came, we saw, we conquered!

Bad Boys II Helps me through my day

You ever have one of those moments when you want to rub your ears and say "woooosa". Well i do. Most certainly all the time...b ut certainly not enough to do this stupid act. Just plain stupid.

Frustrations that shouldn't be there

There are many obstsacles that people face in life, and majority of the time the choice that everyone makes, is not something that all their family, friends and perhaps strangers would agree with. But guess what, NONE OF THAT MATTERS!!! One of the biggest things I have learned in life it to make decisions, choices on which path to take and commit yourself to doing things that YOU want to do. Your friends and family will have their opinions (which in my case I wish would be kept to themselves), but someone else's opinion cannot dictate what you do in life. You make your own path, you decide which turns to take and you committ yourself to doing things that you love. I have made a decision to be with someone who caused me emotional pain a while ago. At first you would ask "why be with them again", and I can only say that the emotional pain that I endured a while back did nothing more than make me a stronger, more independent, loving and caring individual. While it was pain in the moment, it is now a growing pain, a lesson learned and something I am thankful that I faced. I have grown ALOT in the past two years and I wish some people would realize that. Perhaps those that are meant to witness my growth and those that don't see it, need to remove thier blinders. I am who I am. if you don;t like it, I feel sorry for you. Sometimes you have to have that arogant attitude to make it through the day.

I will continue to live my life the way I want. Fill it with people I love, people I want to spend the rest of my life with, goals and ambitions I have set and one hell of a bucket list. I have some very exciting things coming up in the next few months that I am head over heels excited about! I'm going to Vegas to celebrate my best friends birthday with friends and the love of my life, I'm in love with the man I have never fallen out of love with, I'm standing in as the "Best Man" in my older brother's wedding and I am going to try and book as many little get aways that I can!. Life can be exciting, as long as you make everyday fun! I will make the commitment to not be too serious (okay maybe I need some guidance on that once and awhile).

Lots o' Love

-Dirty D

Absense makes the heart grow fonder....

When someone sits down and they tells you that life is a roller coaster, listen to them. They know what they are talking about. Life is certainly a journey. It is a path that you have no control over. Luck, love, destiny, and fate control your life. You just have to hold on and enjoy the ride. I feel like I have been through the ringer and went a complete circle. You think your life is going one way. But in all reality it heads the total opposite direction. The past two years have been insane. I have become a different person. I have experienced a completely different lifestyle and became the most independent person I have ever been. I can honestly say that right now I am the woman that I have always wanted to be. Every aspect of my life is set, except for career wise, but that will come in time.  This I know for sure.

I have had someone I n my life completely reach out to me and tell me something that I Have been waiting 2 years to hear. “I’m excited about feeling normal again and doing what makes me feel good and what is right, which is being with you.” Bamm. Just like that my whole world changed. I sat in a hotel room and cried. I didn’t cry because I was sad, I cried because I was happy. I know this time around its going to be completely different. We are adults now, we know what we want, we have been out there dating, meeting new people and realize what we knew the first time around, we are completely meant to be together. This time around I am a stronger person, I am a confident person and I am someone that will be the girlfriend that he deserves to have. I just pray and hope that he is willing to make the changes too to have a solid relationship. If he is committed he will, and if he doesn’t, than I know that I can walk away and be okay.

So I sit here in Waco, all by myself at a work conference. I am seriously about to fall asleep. I am going to these conferences for a certification that I have to obtain. The funny thing about it thought, is that every topic that they bring up, DOESN’T RELATE TO ME! I sooo want to crawl into bed right now and fall asleep. What doesn’t help is that I have self diagnosed myself with ADD. I can’t focus on one thing at all and I think that is what had made me out to be a worry wort. I’ll start one thing and an hour later I have picked up or touched about three or four other projects. Good lord! What am I going to do with a house! I am sitting here and I can’t stop moving. I have bitten off all my nails, all I can think about it when am I eating next and why the hell Is my phone acting up. It’s going to meet a wall pretty soon at a high velocity rate! It is a piece of shit. Holy Crap! I thought the Android was suppose to be the high tech phone out there. I hate it! And somehow I just managed to figure out that my messages don’t work, I can’t even see the ones that I am sending out. Now, by phone won’t even turn on. Now I have to find a sprint store close to have all this fixed before I go to Corpus Christi tomorrow. I hope going to the store is not a headache. I hope I can simply walk in there, tell them “I have to walk out with a working phone” and let them work their magic! And just like that Sprint has become GOD in my world….well for the moment. I successfully drove back to my hotel with a working phone….well a working phone with no contacts! Sucka!

Post Christmas Lull

The holidays are over and I don't know if I have ever been happier. This year just seemed so chaotic, so not normal, so different so thats why I think I am happy to have them be over. Now back to my hectic life of working and trying to find time to other crap!

15 things I love right now.....

1. The fact that noone reads my blog. I don't have anyone that I have to impress, no expectations to love up to...its just me, my laptop and my thoughts, which in some circumstances can be deadly.
2. I love a lazy day. I was given today off from work and this is literaly all i have done; baked banana nut muffins, unpacked chrismas gifts, cooked dinner, watched TV, yeah and not much more. I haven't had one of these days in a long time and it has brought me peace in my sanity right now. Just what the doctor ordered.
3. I love having a differenet christmas. This year was full on new family members, bringing past loves back to enjoy a dinner, not having it at my mom's house, a night out with friends and simple christmas gifts.
4. I love the fact that I think about my dad each and every day. I know there is so much he would have to say to everyone right now. Im not ready to let him go. I think that is why I haven't drempt of him yet. I don't think Im ready to get rid of that warmth around me, and Im afraid that if I dream of him he won't be there anymore.
5. I love a good cup of coffee, sweet and hits the spot.
6. I love saying goodbye to someone in the morning knowing that it won't be the last time I tell them that.
7. I love hearing compliments that make you smile. No matter what anyone says these are the things that make you move forward each day.
8. I love waking up knowing that you don't have to go to work that day.
9. I love watching a 4 year old talk about Santa and all the joy that it brings to him. He set out cookies, got his presents (that were way too much), and laughed all day long!
10. I love trash reality TV. It makes me appreciate the simple life that I have. I know that i'm guilty of being sucked into the shitty TV people are putting out there, but I can't stop watching it.
11. I love wine...and vodka....and beer.
12. I love friends.
13. I love that I have the capability to grow into a person that I really want to be. I know that I am not there right now, but my time will come. I keep saying that I am in my prime, but I don't think I have even come close.
14. I love late night cuddle sessions.
15. I love a new shirt and even better I love when I don't have to buy it.

Good Night loves!

Lost with no directions

Just when i think i have everything figured out, something comes along and messes it all up. i know that i am strong enought to get through all this, but how strong do i really have to be? i need a change. i need something to change. but what, when, how and why? i have officially decided that i need a manual for life. someone to tell me which direction i am suppose to go, which path to take, which road to travel down. i guess the defenition of life is "the journey to the end". wow...well it has been one hell of a journey thus far. i can say that i have experienced true love, true pain, true hurt and devistation....but my character is the path back to the top. i shall lean on friends, depend on family, love those that love me and remove those from my life that just don't give a fuck about me. im tired of being hurt, im tired of looking stupid, im tired of being defined by someone else. ya know what...I have more right now than you have ever had, i have accomplished more and i'll be damned if you bring me down. go hurt someone else...go bring them down...and in the long run when i hope you come around...i wont be  there to pick your ass up.

Little things I adore......

 “The easiest thing in the world to do is quit on something. Quitting takes zero effort. Quitting can even be justified with excuses and legitimate reasons at times. When someone quits at something they can even lie to themselves by saying that what they quit on wasn’t that important. To those people with that mentality this is what I have to say. If it was important enough to start, it is important enough to finish. Don’t quit. Hold on, cling to what is yours until your fingers cramp; and once your fingers cramp switch hands.”