November is for the Birds

I can't believe it is November already. I honestly want to sit in the corner and cry. Alright i'm not depressed but the fact that an entire year has almost passed again and I haven't accomplished anything doesn't make me want to jump up for joy. I guess you can say that I accomplished moving into an apartment on my own, securing and learning a new job, buying a new car, getting over the fact that I had my heart ripped out and smashed to pieces.....besides all of this "greatness" I experienced I still feel lonely and not whole. I honestly think it is because I spent so much of my time strapped to the hip of another person, that waking up in the morning to only face myself IS SCARY AS SHIT! Finding myself is a horrible journey. Its like you want someone to answer these questions:

-Where do I start?
-How long is this going to take?
-Why is this happening at the age of 26?
-Why do I feel like I'll never accomplish anything

Urrgggg..... I know what I have to do...and to be honest I have been doing it, some what. I just want to be 100% happy. I want to wake up in the morning excited about life not thinking about the next time it is that I can sleep...a good long sleep.

It has helped a bit that I have taken on a second job. My social life has been cut down into half of what it was, but onthe other hand I appreciate that it has made me be a stronger, working person. Now if all those young kids would just get the hell out of my way at work I could accomplish so much more. Or just bring me more money....that would certainly put a huge smile on my face. I need sleep, I need reassurance, I need someone to tell me that everything is going to be a-okay. I need a swift kick in the ass...and I am sure that I can easily find that some where.


Too bad work isn't helping right now either