I sit here in my office, my small little cubical office, all alone. My boss is gone, my coworker is slaving away at jury duty and I am here. To answer the phones, filter through emails, and do whatever I want. And quite frankly I have done whatever I want. Don’t get me wrong I have been working away at the petty little things they like to call “responsibility” around here.
Either way I still manage to sit at my desk staring at the clock…..wishing it would say 5:00 right about now….and now…and now….and still time manages to stand still. Ughhhh, I need to listen to my own advice and find something out there that makes me happy. My job has security, it has great benefits, great people to work with, but I want more! More excitement, more stress (well maybe not stress completely) but sometimes I want to go home wishing I was still at work stressing over some thing. Either way I’m still here at work.
Today I talked with a friend who I hold very dear to my heart on the phone for about 30 minutes. This is someone that I adore, someone I always want in my life and someone who shares a peculiar relationship with me that I don’t really care to explain to anyone. This one, is my own special secret that I will cherish forever. It just so happens that I was enlightened through this conversation as to how great my life is right now. For the first time in a very long time, 9 years precisely, I am 100% SINGLE….to go as I please, do whatever I want, not shave my legs (well that is if I really want to look like a gorilla), eat when I want, do whatever. And I have to say that I am fully enjoying it. I know someday I will have everything I always wanted (white picket fence, lots of kiddos, man of my dreams…convinced that isn’t prince charming…you know blah, blah, blah) but for now I am having one hell of a time living for myself. Over the past year I have learned that there is no requirements in life. Your not required to graduate at a certain time. attend college, get married by the age 30, have kids my 32, live a certain lifestyle, nothing. The best thing I have learned is that no matter who you are, you never have to impress anyone but yourself. You only have to live your life for you, and if anyone else doesn’t like it, well they can go to hell (well not hell, but they can certainly keep their opinions to themselves). I can only control myself and my reactions, I can’t control anything else in life.
Maybe all this inspiration/self righteousness is a product of me watching every girl power movie I own including my favorite Sex in the City duo’s. I like to think that I am Samantha with a bit of Carrie meshed in there.
Either way I am going to take this opportunity to do whatever the hell I want to in life. It maybe small things, well let’s face it my confidence is still on the smaller side, but it’s a start. And you can’t stop me, unless I run out of money, end up in jail or someone decided to kick my ass one night in the bar since my “self righteous” mouth can stay shut! Ha! I swear this is not what I look like Sunday morning! Or do I?
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